I can't say I have a lot today, but I can say I have some sense of faith and some serenity, which I had none of before I was sober. My life consisted of living in a world that I thought was reality or at least I wanted to make myself believe that it was. I'm not going to get into when it all started, but I was young. I am still young at 27 yo. I've spent enough time and energy in living life the worst way I possibly could. I lived for smoking crack and drinking, those were my drugs of choice. The best way I can see the combination of addictions such as mine, is a double whammy. It took my life almost being lost before I had realized how messed up I really was.

I'm learning now through this wonderful program that there is a new way to live life. I will say that I am struggling quite a bit from time to time, but with the help of my Sponsor and others in this wonderful program I am still trucking on the path of sobriety. I definitely need to take a 24 hr. a day approach or I will fail. I'm now dealing with many consequences of my actions while drinking and using, but I don't have to make them worse anymore by using again. I suffer now from extreme or manic depression. Thank god I can keep it in remission with the help of some meds. I'm learning not to shut the door on the past, but to learn from it and to grow from it.

I describe my addictions as the devil and the angel. Its truly a battle of the two in my head. Now the difference is , is that the angel is winning. The devil is being defeated. Sure some days I could scream and say the hell with this program I'm going back out there. Other days I am so content with my sobriety and at peace. I just have to remember this too shall pass, that's very important for me. All we can do in this program is work it to our ability and not let anything get in the way of our own sobriety or in other words our own sanity.

Learning to live sober is by far more difficult than sobering up for me. I hope that I learn to cope better with each day that passes and I believe with the help of my higher power I will get there. I know my rock bottom was far below where I ever imagined it to be and if I want I could make it deeper. Today I choose not to do that and to continue with the gift I've been given, the gift of another chance at life. The gift of learning how to live life on life's terms. Following the path of sobriety with all my tools i will put this disease in remission.

Chris H

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