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Who said recovery is easy, a lot of people need to relapse several times
before the get it right with every day being a struggle. Let us all hope
that this will be the last time Chuck needs to go out.
Chucks Story
"Terminally Hip and Fatally Cool"
Hello, my name is Charlie and
I'm 17 years old. The first time I smoked pot was
at the age of 12, at that time I was a very depressed and angry child
struggling with my sexuality, growing up, and had
an alcoholic father. Although I felt nothing the first time I smoked I was
of course eager to try it again and find out what the effects were like. I
watched both my older sisters do it and they loved it so I thought it was
cool I guess and also thought it would be a way for me to get to hang out
with the older kids.
I started smoking maybe a couple of times a month, and I would get
totally baked sometimes not being able to talk or see, for the first year I
only used with my older sisters because they told me that they were the only
people to use with and I didn't mind.
The next year I entered the 8th grade and started hanging out with a few
of my cousins that went to my school but were in the 9th grade. We would get
together every weekend and baby sit one of their
older sisters children and she would leave us an 18
pack of beer and a couple of buds as our pay. We would all get
trashed and high while the baby slept down the hall from
the house, this went on for the next year
pretty much every weekend. I still managed to maintain myself though,
getting good grades in school and staying out of the legal system. At the
end of that year my two cousins and I invited one of their friends from
school over to drink and "help baby sit" with us,
little did we know that she was on medication that threw her into a
spiraling depression if she consumed alcohol.
The next day her mother found out about it and called the police, my
cousin we babysat for was arrested and we never babysat for her again. My
mother obviously found out about everything that had gone on and banned me
from going over to either of my cousins houses, but that didn't
last long.
Within a couple weeks we were over at one of their houses getting stoned
and sometimes stealing her mothers vodka. Over that summer I turned 14 we
did nothing but smoke and drink and lay around their houses raising hell for
her mother, whom was in a deep depression due to a divorce and would lock
herself in her bedroom for days at a time, while we got away with murder. It
was the most perfect environment for us and our friends to get fucked up
whenever we wanted.
In 2002 I entered the 9th grade, my addiction was in full force at this
time, and it only got worse with the freedom of high school. My sister was a
senior and all her friends were pot heads and heavy drinkers, and they all
had cars. Within no time I made friends with all of them, leaving school
whenever we could to go smoke or drink somewhere, and then maybe go back
after a couple hours. I continued to do this the whole year, stealing money
from my parents was my best source of getting weed or booze,
but I would also manipulate them so I could get money whenever I asked. Of
course it was never enough, my father, who lived a few towns
away from me was an active crack user, he drank all day everyday, and smoked
weed. I could go to him whenever I wanted to get pot because he grew it, and
smoked it with me. At the time I thought this was the coolest thing ever and
so did all my using friends. We would all leave school and go over to his
house and smoke his pot while he was working. My grades in school at this
point were all failing I had missed so many days that I couldn't
pass anyway.
In April of 2003 some friends and I decided to have a party in some sand
pits not to far from their house, before we knew it the whole place was
packed, everyone was trashed and there was a huge fire blazing. I ended up
getting a bottle of Captain Morgan's, and went on
to drink the entire liter straight. At around midnight I was unconscious and
lying in the sand alone, I would wake up every few
hours and cry, I couldn't' move or feel my body
and people were throwing beer bottles at me. I remember thinking to myself,
where are my friends, and why arn't
they helping me, I didn't realize it at the time
but they didn't care, they had their own disease
to satisfy. Finally at around 3:00 am, a girl who had been giving my sister
and I rides to school came up to me and picked me up, she helped me puke,
held me up, and walked me the mile back to her car where her mothers
boyfriend drove us back to her house drunk. I slept at her house that night,
thinking she was my guardian angel.
After that night I decided to put myself into a rehab, I was there for 18
days and used the whole 18 days, when I got out at
the end of May 2003 I ran right down to my
"guardian angels" house and we got high. She graduated at the end of June
and was free forever, she started to date a local boy who was known for his
drug problem and run-ins with the law. within a week we were both at his
house everyday all day staying the night, getting high and drunk.
His parents didn't care it was what most people
would think of as a crack house. We soon found out that he had been using
coke on a daily basis and my angel was furious, but like most drug addicts,
we don't want to be in on this alone, so he offered us a small bump one
night, not enough to get high off, just enough to tease us so we would want
more. Within a couple days I really wanted to know what it was like so I
managed to steal 100 dollars from my mother and get a gram of cocaine which
we then freebased, after that second time it was all over from there.
Every night after that I would go home around 9pm pretending to be settling
down for the night, as soon as my mother and stepfather went to bed, I snuck
up stairs and stole one of their debit cards which had the pin number right
in with it. Every night we would take the drive to the
ATM machine 200, 300, 400$, more and more every night and more and
more freebased cocaine was consumed every night. if we couldnt get cocaine
we got Meth, or speed, or whatever else we could
get our hands on. After every hit I would fly to the window paranoid out of
my mind thinking my mother was coming to get me. I had my angel standing
guard to see as well, of course she wasn't coming she had no idea I was
gone. The whole time this was going on, My angel was was babysitting my
younger brother and sister while my mom was at worked oblivious to
everything.
I ended up being arrested at the end of July 2003 for stealing Ritalin
from a neighbor. My parents immediately arranged for me to go to rehab but
the earliest I could get in was the end of August
so I continued to steal their money and freebase
all the way up until the morning I left for rehab.
I went from a healthy 5'11 165lbs to 120lbs within 2 months,
I slept maybe 2 hours a night and rarely ate
anything. After the 56 day rehab rumors of course spread that
I had rated everyone out so I
was no longer wanted in their scene, it was obvious they were angry because
I was their supply and they were cut off when
I left. I went to a few Meetings
when I got out but not enough.
To say so, I managed to stay clean for 11
months, but went back to some old friends and smoked weed with them, after
that I didn't stop smoking weed until
September 13th 2005, when I was arrested for
forging a check from my parents. I ended up losing my job, my boyfriend of 2
yrs was fed up with my using and left me, and I
was killing my family. My mother having me arrested was the best thing she
could have ever done for me. When I finally
stopped on September 13th I immediately arranged to go to outpatient and get
myself to a meeting, it was a struggle I had been smoking weed as if it were
the cocaine, all day everyday, and I couldn't get stoned anymore, I was
coughing up blood every morning and living just to smoke weed. I am thankful
today to have a short 35 days clean, but am taking it one day at a time and
relying in my HP and NA to lead me in the right direction.
Chuck
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