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Hello, My name is Dee. Let me start by saying thank god that he allowed
me to live to have a second chance at doing this thing called life.
My story started at a very young age. I lived in a house that knew
nothing about love or respect. My mother was the king of the castle and what
she said that is what it was. Controlled every aspect of the families well
being, I have the two brothers and one sister. I used to call myself
Cinderella. I was the one that had to do the cleaning and making sure
everything in the house was right. I was called all kinds of names and was
told I wouldn't be nothing when I grew up. I was worthless. I was sent to
foster homes, just so no one had to look at me.
I started looking for love on my own. I had my first son at the early
age of fifteen and the second at sixteen. That was my unconditional love and
I thought that no one could take that from me. Little did I know that did
not stop the abuse... it got worse. I was
thrown out of the house when the second child was three months
old. That is when my addiction from drugs started to escalate.
Now mind you in high school I would do some marijuana here and there
to drown out the voice of my mother. When I was out on the street I started
dealing with men who sold drugs so I had easy access to them. I started
smoking cocaine with cigarette tobacco and graduated to smoking that vicious
pipe. I was a loner so I would go score my drugs and lock my house up with
my children and be on a paranoia high for the duration. I started loosing
weight, looked like a skeleton walking down the street and I didn't care
just as long as I could get my next one. But one day as usual I was going on
a run and my oldest child was coming
home from school. I
passed and I told him that I would be back I'm going to the store (that was
my favorite line) and my son just shook his head in disgust. That's when I
knew that I was out of control.
I had a girlfriend and I would say that I
could not stand her. She is the one that saved my life. The night that I
told myself that I cannot take any more.
Some strange thought came over her and she came to
my house and told me that I did not have to live that and that my children
did not deserve this either. She took me to her home that weekend and fed
and my children. I had this idea that I did not want to go to a rehab
without my children. Little did I know she had
already knew that. My children are my world and I always felt that no one
else could take care of them like I could. She educated me that there was
this rehab in our town that you could take your
children to and it was a six month program.
At this time I was ready to stop using. I had the four children at
this time and I had to make a decision on which children I was going to take
and which children I was going to beg my mother to keep. I had no one else.
I ended taking the smaller ones and sending my sons with my mother. Boy, was
that a bad mistake. She made sure I had no contact with my sons during
treatment and she would decline any counseling
that was offered to us during my treatment. I stayed in treatment for seven
months. It was very hard. I was dealing with not
picking up the drugs but my behaviors were worse. I had developed the worst
attitude and I did not care about anyone or myself. It took four months out
of seven to break me down.
It was tough love but today I am very grateful for that. They taught
me a lot. But most of all they taught me how to love myself and that I am
someone special. They told me never to forget it. I have not,
I know today that I am somebody no matter what anyone says. They saved my
life. I worked at the facility for four years as a night manager.
Today I have the twelve years clean. I still go through some rough
patches in my life and have experienced a child
passing. My teenage daughter has left the house to places unknown. I pray
for her daily. I do know that I do not need to use and I will continue to
use the tools of recovery. I finally met my soul mate (through the Internet)
we have been together for two and half years and plan to marry. God is good,
all the time.
Dee from York Pa
We are truly blessed |
