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An old woman quietly entered
the area where I had chosen to build my fire. Her withered form appeared
to glide on the gentle breeze as she walked. Her long, beautiful gray
hair flowed gracefully behind. There was something amazing and
mysterious about this woman. Instantly, I was convinced that she
possessed great wisdom somewhere beyond those dark brown eyes. I admired
her magnificence as she gradually drew close to me.
She stopped briefly at the water kettle and enjoyed a small drink.
Sitting next to me, she hung her head slightly toward the ground,
twisting her hair into braids and staring at the ground as if watching
her reflection. Silence blanketed the moment as she rested her left hand
on my hands, slowly inhaling a deep breath of the night air. I became
increasingly curious as to why she had joined me.
The woman raised her head toward the moon, “It is time Baby Eagle.”
Confused I asked, “Time for what?” She looked at me with a tender smile
and replied, “Time for the healing to begin. You must allow the feathers
of your youth to molt, child, they are broken and prohibit your flight.
There are beautiful new feathers waiting to grow, but the old feathers
are in the way. You must allow the broken and frayed ones to fall and be
replaced with the new strong feathers that will allow you to fly high.”
My eyes began to water as I lowered my head. I immediately understood
what she meant. As I fought back tears, the realization came that I
needed permission, from her, to let go of my pain. There is a part of my
soul that is terrified to let go of it. This pain has been a consistent
part of my life. If I hold on to the pain, I can hold on to the dreams
and fantasies as well. If I allow myself to let go of it all, I will
experience the reality that I have fought so hard to avoid. Avoiding the
pain of the emotional reality, I came to acknowledge, will deny me the
possibility of true happiness.
I lifted my eyes to meet hers and asked, “How do you know about the pain
I have inside?” Without moving her mouth, I heard her words in my head
very clearly. She said, “ I know of your pain, because I am the salt
that flows with your tears. I am the dirt upon which those tears fall. I
am the breeze that carries your cries. I am the smoke from the sage you
burn for cleansing. I am the flame on the candles you light for
understanding. I know you well my child.”
She took my hand in hers and spoke to me in a strong comforting voice.
She said, “You are a strong woman. You are very beautiful. You have many
gifts that you must learn how to use. You will get through the pain of
the past, but only after you begin to let go of it. I have so many
things to teach you and share with you when you are ready.”
I felt her arm wrap around my shoulders and pull me close to her chest.
She held me tight and ran her fingers through my hair. I tried, but
could not suppress the tears any longer. She held me tightly and began
to rock back and forth. After some time, my heart calmed and I felt a
peace come over me. I began to feel a sense of freedom and empowerment.
I felt strong and beautiful.
The wind blew with more power and whistled through the leaves of the
trees. A gentle rain began to fall like kisses upon my face. I felt the
heat from the fire burn hot as the flames rose high. My eyes opened and
I realized that I was alone. I looked for the old woman, but she had
gone. I called out to her, “Where have you gone?”
Strong and gentle words began to flow through my head. “I am the salt
that flows with your tears. I am the dirt upon which those tears fall. I
am the breeze that carries your cries. I am the smoke from the sage you
burn for cleansing. I am the flame on the candles you light for
understanding. I know you well my child. I am in the tiniest crevices of
the rocks you find. I am in the veins of every leaf in the trees. I am
your wisdom and strength. I am with you always.”
A smile formed on my face, as I wiped away the tears that streamed down.
I put my hand to my chest and took in a deep breath of air. Under my
palm, I felt a small leather bag. I looked down to see a medicine bag
hanging from my neck. As I looked inside the bag, I was careful not to
let out the old woman’s medicine. Inside the bag, I found a small amount
of salt, dirt, and ashes. There were several different colored stones, a
leaf, and a single eagle feather.
“I am the salt from your tears and the dirt in which they fall. I am in
the tiniest crevices of the rocks and in the veins of every leaf. The
ashes are from the fire that we shared together and I plucked out the
first feather for you. The rest... are up to you.”
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