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Hope
This was the first time I have been to this page.
I am not a drug addict myself. But I have lived with one
for 12 years. 12 long ,roller coaster years.
You would think the biggest battle I had to fight
was with him, to get straight,
It's not. My biggest
battle is with myself. I feel like two people shoved into the same body.
Stay. Go. Out. In. I hate you.
I love you.
You can do it, You are the
biggest loser ever, He can do
it, He'll never do it, I can take, I can't
take it.
If I had a dime
for every time I say one of these things to myself. I would be a "very" rich
woman. This is the worst part of being an addicts
partner. I have lived the life of a co-dependant and
enabler.
Now I am the "control freak" monster, I let him create.
I want out and have no idea how to do it.
I wanted to reach out to the other side... I never have.
Thank you God.
In stead, I found this place. I looked at the
stories of people who have been me, and who have been him.
I have found some peace of mind. I have found some
strength. I have read all the stories and poems. I am putting my armor back
on and picking up my shield. I'm back in the battle again.
I wanted to say to all of you who fight the good
fight everyday, and stay sober, I know I am a perfect stranger, but, I just
wanted to say wherever you are in your recovery, I am proud of you.
Keep the stories going. They don't just inspire
addicts to stop, recovering addicts to keep it up,
they help those of us that are still hanging in
there, wondering why??? that there is some
hope.
Say a prayer for him, me, and our 3 beautiful
boys. Say a prayer that I remember when to let go and let God, and to hear
him when he says it's time to Go!
Thanks again to everyone. Take Care! HR
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