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LIES, LIES and MORE LIES.
That's all my husband has offered me in the 2 years since he's come back
to be with our son and me (separated for almost 3 due to intense meanness
- an affair). Our son is 10 and all he knows is that daddy disappears for
2 to 3 nights a week and is not there for him. Oh, he knows daddy "does
drugs", because he hears what we think are the whispers, but he doesn't
really know what that means - all he knows is that daddy is not there for
him.
When daddy IS
there (in body) he is cold, unmoving, distant and unwilling to
participate. With me he is aggressive, agitated, accusatory. After all,
isn't it MY fault he disappears? I'm a B---- because I tell him it hurts
and I want him to get help - so he "HAS TO GET OUT AWAY FROM ME!!"
It's no use
- crack cocaine users - ANY user for that matter - are too self- absorbed
to bother with anyone else's feelings and too high (or waiting on the next
chance they get) to care.
Other women? Sure, plenty. he picks up whomever he can while drinking and
then it's too overwhelming to deal with me the B----- so he has to find
the white/yellow rock, then it's crack whores. He's provides me with STD's
only to be told be an unsuspecting doctor that
"he's clean" so, he says, he doesn't know what MY problem is.
Unfaithful? I've never been, he always is.
Understanding? For almost 2 years.
Now? I told him to leave.
Another woman waiting in the wings? Yep, she knows too, but nothing of the
worst of it (its me after all dontcha know) and she thinks SHE can cure
him. If his son's needs can't cure him she sure can't. I suppose when she
gets an STD then she'll begin to wonder.
Sad? I am - I've always wanted an in tact family
especially being from a
divorced home.
What can I do? Nothing. He has to WANT help and
that my friends is the most difficult part of it.
Do I feel that it is right to throw him to the
parasites out there? No but
what choice have I got. Talk about a charmed life, he's never gotten
arrested AND he still has his $100,000/year job (even with all the
"vacation" days he takes off). He's a charmer! He's gets his teeth fixed,
his hair dyed, his clothes cleaned and I have been helping him pick up the
forgotten pieces.
Why? He had me convinced too and I live with him!
I believed it was just a "friend recreational" thing and not an addiction
because it's only a few days a week, not everyday, and sometimes only 2 or
3 days after two weeks at home. But now I know better, I have done my
research - he has not friends. So why is it me who feels all alone? No one
believes HE could be an addict, no one cares, not even him, about what and
who my SON will grow up to be. Where do I go from here?
I go with God, it's all I can do. |
